Muddling Through
by Follow-ur-Shadow
Summary: Missing Densi scene from Spiral S6E11. After the hostage situation Kensi faces the ill effects of her adrenal fatigue.
1. Chapter 1

**Muddling Through **

**Category**: Action/Angst/Romance

**Pairing**: Densi

**Summary**: Missing scene from Spiral S6E11. After the hostage situation Kensi faces the ill effects of her adrenal fatigue.

**Warnings**: Contains spoilers.

**Disclaimer**: Own nadda.

**Authors Notes**: Sorry the chapters are so short! This was originally a one-shot but it flowed better with chapters. Thanks for reading! :)

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><p>Deeks pushed through the heavy doors scanning the outside chaos for Sam. Witnesses, paramedics, police and victims from the blast were all crowding the area making it nearly impossible to locate his friend and he stopped suddenly, wincing as Kensi careened into his back.<p>

She swallowed roughly, trying to get her bearings as he took a step forward. "_Deeks-_"

"Over there." He spotted Sam near where their cars were parked and started moving, faltering when he realized his partner wasn't following. Ever since things had started to slow down he'd noticed she'd become unusually quiet and with three small strides he was back in front of her, furrowing his brow as the colour drained from her face. "Babe, what's wrong?" He brushed her arm, not caring who saw the endearment. Something wasn't right and it was more than just concern for their friends.

Usually she would have admonished the nickname but she was too focused on trying to calm the panic churning in her stomach. Adrenal fatigue. The doctor had warned her if she didn't start making some changes it was going to get worse but now was hardy the time or the place for an adrenaline crash. "I just need a minute, go_..._" she dropped her hand, trying to keep the tremble out of it as she squeezed his fingers, "seriously Deeks I'm fine, _go_."

He hesitated for a split second then gave a sharp nod letting his fingers linger as he stepped away. With one final squeeze he dropped her hand and took off at a run trying to catch Sam before he drove off.

As soon as he was gone Kensi breathed in sharply, leaning back against the wall of the building for support. Her heart was palpating so fast it felt like she was having a heart attack and she breathed in again trying to calm the rising anxiety. Everything was going to be okay. They'd taken down the bad guys, Callan had been administered the antidote and was being airlifted to hospital, Deeks was checking on Sam... it was all going to be fine. She repeated the mantra again and again trying to get it to stick but a wave of hot dizziness broke her concentration. She was breathing too fast and the heat was suffocating, knocking her equilibrium off balance.

The wall suddenly lurched out of reach and she fell forward registering a sharp pain as her head connected with something solid. Whatever it was the impact was the last thing she felt before she gave in and let the darkness envelop her.


	2. Chapter 2

Deeks hung over the driver's door, resting his elbows on the frame as he watched Sam plug his phone into the blue-tooth adapter on the console. He knew the man was upset. Hell he'd probably have been inconsolable if was his partner exposed but that's why he was making sure his friend was fit to drive. They were a team which meant they all looked out for each other and this time was no exception. "Why don't I come with? Kens can handle things here."

Sam shot him a stern glare ending the line of conversation and Deeks breathed out slowly having no choice but to accept the defeat. It was obvious the former Navy SEAL was pissed but from what he could see the man was in no way a danger to himself. If anything he was _too_ in control. "Okay fine-" he held up his hands defensively, "but no jumping reds, remember always check your blind spots and _oh_, lollipop ladies... you need to watch out for them cause I swear some times they just step out from nowhere and- "

Sam pulled the door closed, a hint of smile ghosting across his lips as Deeks stumbled back. A small part of him appreciated the concern but it wasn't necessary. He was trained to handle his emotions and the sooner he got to Callan the better he would feel. Starting the ignition he rolled his eyes as the man outside plastered on a smile and waved.

Sometimes he honestly wondered where Kensi got the patience.

Deeks watched him reverse out and rubbed his eyes stifling a yawn. Between the hostage situation, scaling the side of a twenty-story building, diffusing eight blocks of explosives and watching Callan being treated for exposure to a bio weapon, he was exhausted.

Tearing a hand up through his hair he turned around and automatically checked for his partner. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the distance and he squinted, feeling his heart leap into his throat when he spotted her. She was on the ground, unconscious by the look of it, and he could just make out the LAPD uniform kneeling beside her.

"What the-" he took off at a sprint, pushing people out of his way with a half-hearted apology until he finally drew near enough to call out, "what the hell happened!"

The LAPD officer turned his head sharply, shaking it as Deeks closed the distance between them, "I don't... I don't know." He wiped his sweating palms against his trousers trying to collect himself, "I saw her go down, I think she hit her head on the steps."

Deeks dropped to his knees letting his gaze wash over her. There was a bad cut across her temple, obviously courtesy of the fall, and the blood trickling down contrasted against her skin showing just how pale she'd become. With a deep breath he placed his fingers against her neck, waiting and sending a silent prayer.

When he finally felt the steady beat of a strong pulse he let out a sharp sigh of relief. He had no idea what the kid beside him had been doing but he didn't look a day over twelve and he threw his head around calling out to two paramedics who were rounding the corner, "_hey_, we need some help over here!

He turned back to Kensi focusing his attention as he slid his hand down to check for injuries. They'd both taken a pretty good beating but as far as he could tell nothing seemed broken or out of place.

"_Kensi_?" He reached up and gently tapped the side of her face, "Kensalina? Fern? Come on Kens, wake up princess."

She stirred but didn't manage more than a soft groan that tugged at his heart. He should never have left her alone. He'd known something was wrong but he had stupidly, _stupidly_ ignored his instincts because she'd said she was fine. He should have figured out by now that fine didn't mean a damn thing when it came from his partner.

The Paramedics dropped down opposite him and he inched back taking a hold of her hand. "Kens... I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, these guys are going to take care of you." She seemed to settle at the sound of his voice making him all the more determined to stay with her.

Sam was with Callan and he was where he needed to be; making sure his partner was going to be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

A persistent beep drilled through the waiting room, grating against Deeks' nerves as he fidgeted. He'd been sat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs for nearly an hour and a half, trying not to think about how long the doctors were taking, and it was slowly driving him crazy. From what they'd told him in the ambulance it looked like his partner was just suffering from a concussion but they wouldn't know for sure until she went in for a CT and X-rays.

"Damnit, _Kensi-_' he pushed a hand back through his hair, breathing out slowly, "what are you doing to me?"

If she'd said something, _anything _maybe he could have helped... but once again they had come up against a wall. He knew trust wasn't the issue. She would put her life in his hands without question but breaking through her defenses, getting her to lean on him without seeing it as a weakness was turning out to be a much more difficult challenge.

Not that she was entirely to blame. He wasn't exactly the most mature person in her life and guilt wormed its way in at the thought, knotting tightly in his stomach. She'd been trying to mediate in the gym, trying to show him something was wrong and he'd openly mocked her. _Idiot_. Was it really any wonder she wouldn't confide in him?

He shook the notion away, focusing on the room and looking for something to distract himself with. Going over the events and second guessing himself was only going to make the time pass more slowly. He needed to stay calm and positive. If only so he didn't get up and physically rip the 'beeping machine' from it's socket in the wall.

When he spotted a sign for the hospital gift-shop he slid out of his chair and followed the arrows. It was hardly a shop, more like a pop-up stand that smelt of antiseptic and lavender. The selection of flowers, chocolates and crisps was limited at best but a stuffed bear was peeking out from the tired foliage and he picked it up smiling at the bandage wrapped around it's head. Hopefully Kensi would see the funny side. He grabbed a packet of M&N's for good measure and paid the chatty old lady, fobbing her off with a couple of polite pleasantries.

He wasn't really in the mood for talking and he dragged his feet back to the waiting room, catching the receptionists subtle shake of the head as he entered through the doors. With a sigh he trudged back to his chair and dropped down. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a few seconds rest. The nurse behind the desk... Jenny, Jade? She'd promised to wake him if there was news and he was exhausted. Clutching the bear tightly against his chest, he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

A sharp prod startled Deeks awake and he jumped trying to get his bearings. He was sure he'd only been asleep for a few minutes but he was groggy as he glanced up at the women hovering over him. "What happened-" he stumbled out of the chair, clearing his throat, "my partner is she okay?"

"She's fine Mr Deeks." The nurse smiled warmly as she glanced over the clipboard in her hand. "Miss Blye suffered a concussion after blacking out but she's awake now and asking after you, so if you'd like to come with me?"

He felt the tightness in his chest ease as he followed the women out into the hall. After navigating a maze of corridors they reached the room his partner was in and he politely thanked 'Jacquelyn' before pushing the door open. Seeing her awake sent an overwhelming jolt of relief straight through his body but he couldn't resist a cheeky smile at the unimpressed, embarrassed expression that was stuck on her face. "So, sleeping beauty finally decides to join us..."

Kensi snorted, folding her arms as he crossed the room. "What does that make you, pied piper? Jester?"

He recognized the agitated tone but ignored it as he bent over to kiss her. "The one who gets to do this-" a grin split his face as he captured her lips, gently brushing the side of her face. She didn't offer any hesitation which he took as a good sign but he knew it wasn't going to last. There were questions that needed answers and with a reluctant sigh he pulled back, bringing forward the stuffed teddy that he'd been concealing. "I stole this off some kid, I wanted to go for the balloons but his mother was really feisty."

She smothered a genuine smile as she brought the bear up to her face. Its goofiness reminded her a lot of her partner except she could feel his mood shifting in more serious direction and her guard instantly went back up as she tried to shrug him off. "I think they want to keep me here overnight... observation or something but you should go home, get some rest. Seriously, you're starting to smell _really _bad."

"Ha-" he dropped down in the chair, ignoring the subtle dismissal and pointedly making himself comfortable. "You're not exactly sunshine and gunpowder yourself missy."

Her brow furrowed in response, "I'm not wha-"

"_No_... nothing. Forget it, that was an in-joke." He deflected away from an explanation as he shuffled the chair forward. Defaulting to humor was his knee-jerk reaction but they needed to talk, properly, and he reached out clumsily finding her hand. She stiffened at the action and he breathed out, chewing thoughtfully on the bottom of his lip.

"You know-" he swallowed the awkwardness, running his thumb lightly over her knuckles, "you scared me back there."

She squeezed the toy in her other hand, focusing her gaze on the bandage around its head. If she hadn't been so stubborn, if she'd just stopped for a minute then she would've been able to pull herself together but between Callan and the chaos ensuing she had pushed too hard and lost control. "I overdid it-" she forced the words out, hating how they made her sound weak. If anything they just made her more determined. "I made a mistake, it's not going to happen again."

Deeks nodded, scratching the side of his face as she continued to toy with the bear. He recognized the familiar wall. Hell if it was a real wall he'd probably be able to see indents from where his head had banged against it but since they'd started dating they were both learning to navigate around it. No more hiding, chips on the table. "This has to do with the adrenaline thing doesn't it?"

"Adrenal fatigue." She confirmed, reciting the name the doctor had given it. It was a label, something that categorized her abilities but she was strong and she was more than capable of dealing with it. One slip up didn't mean she needed to be treated any differently. "Deeks I'm fine... I can handle it."

He blew out a short frustrated laugh shaking his head. He was trying, _really_ trying to coax her into an honest conversation but she wasn't budging an inch and he didn't bother trying to hide the undertone of sarcasm in his response, "you do know you ended up in hospital right? See all these white walls and doctors... exactly what definition of 'fine' are we using here?"

"_Deeks-_" her voice was tight, warning for him to stop. Even though she knew he was worried she couldn't help but take his concern the wrong way. To her it reaffirmed that she had been a liability and that there could be consequences going forward. If he thought for a second she wasn't fit for duty, if the team or Hetty did...

"Don't." He recognized the look that flashed across her face and squeezed her hand reassuringly. She hated to be perceived as weak, or anything other than strong and independent but she was so goddamn stubborn she was completely missing the point. "I know you-" he pushed forward, hoping to get through to her. "You wouldn't put me or anyone else on the team in danger. I trust you completely. You're one of the strongest, most capable people I know... and if I walked out that door right now you'd be fine but I don't want to. I _want _to be here for you... but you need to let me be, okay?"

She finally looked across at him and the understating reflected in his gaze caused a tight knot to form in her throat.

When they were just partners there were boundaries and limitations but now they were in a committed relationship he had every right to call her bluff. More than that, he was right. He knew exactly what she was feeling. He was inside her head, inside her heart and she'd never felt so safe and terrified at the same time. "All in." Her voice stayed quiet as she gripped his fingers, not sure what else to say... but it seemed to be enough because he relaxed making no move to leave.

"Today, _tomorrow.._." he smiled warmly then quickly caught himself still needing to get one more thing off his chest. "I know I wasn't exactly the most supportive person this morning. I'm sorry, I should have taken the meditation stuff more seriously."

"You, be serious? Ha-" a cheeky smile caught the edge of her lips and she watched his face soften in response. The tension between them was starting to lift and when he threw his arms up she could see a playful glint in his eye.

"Really_?" _He feigned shock, shaking his head at the grin she was trying to conceal. "Seriously, for reals? I'm trying to apologize here, show genuine remorse and you just come in with a slam, dunk and-"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry!" She tossed the bear at him and held her palms up in surrender, "I appreciate the gesture... but you don't need to apologize. It is 'possible' I may have dismissed the situation a little too quickly." She hadn't exactly been forthcoming in the morning and when he nodded his head in agreement it suggested they'd reached some sort of truce.

She didn't need to pour her heart out. She just needed the sentiment behind her words to be real and with a deep breath, she ran a nervous hand over the hospital blanket. "I'm trying Deeks... I'm trying to feel my way through this but it's hard."

"I know, hey_-_" he clasped her fingers, halting their movement so he could focus. Neither of them were particularly good at expressing themselves but they were doing all right. They were moving in the right direction and he pressed his mouth against her knuckles making sure that, if nothing else, she understood he wasn't going anywhere. "I'm here, whatever you need... hell if you want I'll even try meditating with you."

"I really _don't_ want that." She pulled a face, trying to imagine it but doubting he would have the attention span to sit still for long enough. It was a nice gesture though and she was about to thank him when he let go of her hand and bent down to remove his shoes. "Wait, Deeks... what are you doing? There's not enough-"

"Scooch over." He ignored her protests and threw back the covers, sliding in beside her with a triumphant grin. It was a tight squeeze but it worked and he let his fingers drop over her shoulder as she snuggled in. "How bout something like this instead, nice relaxing back rub?"

"This I could agree to." She closed her eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of his chest ease the last of her tension away.

Deeks smiled to himself as he felt her breathing start to even out. This 'thing' they had, they were muddling through it... maybe not with the best of skill sets, or in the fastest time frame... but maybe that was half the fun.

"Hey, Fern?" He waited for her soft murmur. "Not complaining about the smell now are you?"

An elbow landed square in his ribs and he laughed, wincing through a genuine wave of pain.

Oh yeah, they were _definitely_ having fun.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you guys for reading! It's quite late so please forgive me any typos :) I am thinking about doing a sequel, am open to all ideas that might spark my muse! And thank you for all the review! xx<strong>


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